rules shmules

you know, i really don't want this to become some blog about my dating life, or lack thereof... i mean, that's slightly petty to publish, right? but i'm in the midst of a dilemma, so i'm going to process via writing. forgive me.

let me interrupt my train of thought by saying there is nothing funnier than watching a big dog chase a tennis ball around the house on hard wood floors. thank God for pepper.

anyway, i've had a list of dating rules the past several years. a set of criteria for men to live up to in order for me to consider dating them. really, there are 4 plus 2 rules. like a bonus round.

1. most importantly... the guy has to love God. i've tried it otherwise, and it just never works. i have plenty of friends that this doesn't apply to, but for whatever reason, dating is different.

2. he's got to laugh. at himself, at me, at life... etc.

3. he's got to be intelligent, preferably in a challenging way. not just some rocket scientist i can't talk to.

4. he's got to be well traveled... preferably having lived in another country, but i realize that's asking a lot.

and then the "plus 2..."

a) i won't date a guy closer to my mom's age than my own (she is a young thing!)

b) i won't date potential. that's a toughy, b/c there's always potential, but you got to date what's real now.

now... some friends take issue with the well traveled thing. what if the guy has a desire to travel but just hasn't been able to? can't really hold that against him, right? and some friends have an issue with the God thing. is it enough if he just respects your religion? or if he's spiritual? what if he does yoga? and some think you have to chose either travel or faith... that the two don't mix... but then i am positive i'm not some freak of nature, and there've got to be at least 5 thousand other peeps in the world that love God and travel just like me.

but this weekend i was thinking... are all these rules just an effort to be in control? i mean, what's the fun in some pre-packaged man? i certainly wouldn't want anyone to put ME in a box! so i thought i'd just get rid of my rules. get out of the way of God's sense of humor, you know?

but standards are a good thing, right?

what's the difference?

i figure it's better to ask these questions while i'm single.

i'm just thinkin' out loud here.

pepper bear beware

i have entered into a long term relationship, which i'm quite clueless about, but i'm learning every day. pepper, or pepper bear, as i like to call her, is 60+ pounds of fur, love, play and affection. here's a lovely picture of her, taken by my photographer friend lain.pepper is a 17 month old shepherd/lab mix, pretty much perfect in every way. except when she barks. she's scared of men after being rescued from a not-very-nice one. i guess it's good, in that NO man would ever try to cross me with pep by my side... they'd never guess that she's actually a big sissy, and she would hide behind me cowering if pursued. i love her.

pep had an unfortunate run-in at the dog park last week. she was off her leash, chasing after squirrels, turning her head and smiling at me every time she treed one... when one blue healer dog came up and started humping her. now, pep and i had actually met this dog the day before at the vet... and the dog had humped her then too... but the dog's owner (an old man) apologized and said he was getting his dog fixed soon. at the dog park, however, the old man was 30 yards away, talking to some young lady on a bench, completely ignoring his uncontrollable pup. i didn't know what to do. i felt helpless! i said, "no!" but i was afraid to yell at someone else's dog, so it wasn't very convincing. after a bit, the humping dog ran away, and i noticed a little something on pepper's back. slobber? nnnno. sticky goo? yes. gross.

i felt violated. i'm not sure how pepper felt, but she was a little weird when i tried to put her collar back on to go home. so we walked around the block before jumping in the car, going home, and getting hosed down outside. my first try at bathing pepper.

dogs like that (uncontrollable, non-fixed humpers) should not be allowed in dog parks. luckily pepper has a great support group, and all her people and puppy friends have made a point to give her extra love and encouragement this past week. especially her auntie sloan and uncle dan. i think she's moved on.

warning: this blog entry contains "adult" material not suitable for children

one of the pros of taking time of blogging: only the die hard readers remain. and i think that pool of people can probably handle the following.

as you might know, one of the highlights of my work in youth ministry is talking to kids about sex. i mean that. i've never left a sex talk thinking, 'that was boring...' or, 'i wish i spent more time at my desk, preferably wearing a suit and heals.' no, sex talks are always challenging, always enlightening, and always very real. and i get to wear a t-shirt and flip-flops. can't beat that.

the 9th grade sex talks were especially good this year. i think we just got off on the right foot... there was a power outage at our first meeting, so we had the entire discussion about "angels and animals" by candlelight. mmmm hmmm. way to set the mood.

but the last 9th grade talk is what assured me that we had accomplished at least one of our objectives: letting kids know that church is a safe place to talk about sex.

here's what happened...

we were talking about ways to take care of ourselves spiritually, emotionally and physically in relationships.

"how do we stay physically healthy?"

"eat right and exercise."

"ok... and in relationships? and sexual relationships?

one guy raises his hand, "uh, use contraceptives?"

"actually, contraceptives just keep you from getting pregnant... they don't actually keep you from getting sick. the birth control pill is one example of a contraceptive. can somebody give me another?"

same guy says, "pulling out?"

"huh, well, yeah, there's that. definitely NOT the most reliable method..."

another guy interrupts, "wait... what exactly is the pull out method? i mean, i can kinda use my imagination, but..."

"sure. no worries. it's when the guy pulls his penis out of the woman's vagina before he ejaculates. really not a good method AT ALL."

"that's pretty much what i imagined."

see what i mean? mission accomplished. i promise there were much more meaningful learning moments throughout the night... and year, really... but this at least shows the kids are comfortable. whew. time to start planning next year.

it's not what you think, but it is funny

my recent facebook status states that i'm bored out of my gourd. a true statement, but somewhat silly, given all that i could be doing. running, swimming, biking, paying taxes, baking a cake... but it's a long weekend... i don't want to take care of the mundane. i want adventure! why didn't i make plans to leave town? go camping? *sigh*

so, as my girlfriend crissy suggested, i'll update my blog.

in my previous post about bubba buffalo, "s" notes in her comment that i seem occupied since new years... she seems to suggest i'm preoccupied with, i dunno, a boy.

no, dear readers, it just ain't so. as much as i'd love to report that i'm in the throws of love in all its radiance... that i'm all aglow with a spring in my step and a song in my heart... nnnno. the only body that keeps me warm at night is my teddy bear and my new dog pepper (who i'll write about later... she is my best source of unconditional love and wet kisses, for sure).

that said, i have entered the dating scene. it seems impossible not to when many of your friends are married. rule of thumb: couples like other couples. and if you're not a couple, and you're friends with other couples, you can bet they'll try to make you a couple real quick. not that i mind... i am definitely not complaining.

so here's a set up story i'll share, because it is so entertaining, and because i know the implicated parties would not object. at least i don't think they would.

two married friends, andré and julia, asked if they could set me up with guillermo weeks ago. at first i objected (as did he, i'm told), but finally did succumb to their excited suggestions. guillermo and i had never met, though i facebook stalked him thoroughly, since he had no security on his profile page. a given.

the four of us met for dinner. super great time... easy conversation... lots of laughing... and then i said something about my dad being an interior designer.

"and yes," i added, "he's gay."

"no way!" exclaimed guillermo, "my dad is too!"

"i'm not being funny!" i retorted, "my dad really IS gay!"

"no, it IS funny," guillermo insisted, "because my dad really IS gay too... AND he's a gynecologist!"

well that did it. i finally met a man who could one up me. we may have to start a club.

happy crissy? :)